Hungry like a Wolf.

With morning coffee and a blank page waiting for me to add words of wisdom, I clicked into Pinterest as my creativity time out because my words weren’t wise and my coffee was getting damn cold. Then bam; my eyes absorbed the following:

“Nobody can tell you if what you’re doing is good, meaningful or worthwhile. The more compelling the path, the more lonely it is. Most of us are unknowingly trained to NOT trust in our own judgment. Our parents made decisions for us, our teachers told us how things should be done, and society has its own rules on what is right and wrong. After being beat down by authority for years on end, many people just become one of the sheep. They follow the status quo. It’s easier that way. The wolfs, also known as the stubborn trouble makers (I was one, still am) tend to have their own ideas of how things should be. They stand away from the crowd, make waves and piss a lot of people off. But they also find great happiness, because they follow their own dreams and make their own plans. Their lives tend to end up just the way they want them to. Wolfs trust in their own desires. They lean towards the professions that they were meant (made) to do. Wolfs are the innovators, the inventors and artists and writers. They ignore everybody. They have to or they’d never get things done.” ~ Hugh MacLeod

From my experience the path is not understood by most. And the ones that envy it don’t realize that it can be a lonely path. That dip into self discovery and self trust gives me goosebumps just thinking about it sometimes. Because there are still moments where I don’t trust what I produce. My italics, shapes, the way I express the stories in my head without opening my mouth. This morning was one of those moments. That leap into the unknown. But then those epiphany moments void all of the rest. That personal victory that can come from something so small. So as I sit here listening to nothing but the hum of rush hour traffic through a cracked window and the melody of my keyboard clicks, my coffee cup is refilled with diet gingerale and I go on with the blind race. I guess I just needed some wise words to help me with mine.

And thank you to a favourite person of mine for this thoughtful gift for future endeavours. I named her SJP. This is her first entry. -k

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A Simple +1.

It’s funny what an effortless flip of a calendar can do to your soul. A simple +1. A visual leap to the top. A new unpredictable countdown as you quietly absorb the past. The faces that are still smiling in the same room as you and the ones that trickled away with time. The drops of secrets wiped away by your pillowcase and the emotional thrills of victory absorbed by your apartment walls. Meeting people and standing in places that were once only a photograph of wonderland in your curious hands. The million miles that you walked and the million thoughts that you talked. Anxious hopes on the pursuit of personal victory. Visions. Oblivious climbs. Complicated kindness. A simple warm love that knocked three times when you weren’t expecting anybody. The calculated hope that smiles far surpass fears. Nobody needs to know and nobody needs to see. A rainbow of elegant wonders that started just like this on a simple piece of lined freedom the last time a flip of a calendar put you in this place. I was always a sucker for rollercoasters. Let’s go on again… -k

She’s a Mess of Gorgeous Chaos.

 

So, I lay my head on my pillow and as I stared at the ceiling, tired as anything from the days emotions and twisted reality, I realized that I wasn’t creatively finished with the day. So I poured myself a glass of wine, turned on my laptop and let other peoples words guide me. I added a beautiful camera to my creative family this week. It’s my eye candy right now, sleeping on the table in front of me, making me restless about future dates. Pinterest is my escape between work tales and daily endeavours. So here are other peoples words that I’ve pinterest’ed recently because I relate. And then my pillow will get me back. -k

As Artists…

This picture is not entirely clear. Or perfectly centered. It’s elegantly tipping to the right like the words would roll out of sight forever and those who saw them would be the lucky ones. How appropriate. Such art. And this is such truth. Such unspoken truth that I rolled across. That artsy type of truth. -k

Thank you, Art.

Art let’s me escape, whether it be between sports scripts or daily doses of the unexpected. Those moments that you don’t foreshadow when your head leaves your peaceful pillow post sweet dreams. And yet all those moments are realistically art. Because there is art in everything.

And everyday it seems that sometime around midnight is when I usually grab Art’s hand and we dance or sing or write lyrical nonsense. That is when I feel the most confident. The most relaxed. It’s when the words ‘I don’t give a shit’ hold the most truth. I’m thankful to have found him. I’m thankful that my Art is accepted by my family and peers and strangers. I’m the most thankful that he always let’s me be me.

And tonight between sports scripts I filled other windows on my desktop with Art and his tales. And then he showed me this and it was the perfect goodnight. So, goodnight. -k

It’s Midnight. Honesty Hour.

I say it all the time but balance, my goodness, if I didn’t believe in it I don’t think I’d stay sane. I’m happily overwhelmed by new responsibilities and challenges as the NBA season kicks off and the last two weeks have been a true test of that word. Engulfed in a world that comes at you with a knife some weeks, dodging criticism and judgement posted on the interweb, you need to learn how to shake the shitty stuff. And function on four hours of sleep. So balance is my happy place because I fill those moments with incredible people and sometimes all we talk about is that funny clip on youtube or leaving on a jet plane or that one time where we danced like crazy in the livingroom to Calvin Harris at 2am. And that is more than enough. “So what do you do?”. That question shuts me down sometimes and not because I’m not happy and blessed to be where I am. It’s just so refreshing to just be plain old you for a minute. Jobless and homeless and raw. I just dropped the line “Everybody’s got their somethin'” to the boy and he asked what my somethin’ was. I’m going to sleep on this. But Nikka Costa says it’s supposed to make you smile like an itty bitty child and that there’s a time for every star to shine. So by balance I mean staying out a little too late with the people that make you glow after kicking off your show shoes even though you have a 9am shoot. Or closing the laptop on a seven hour work-a-thon Saturday even though you’re not near complete for laughs and warmth at a dive bar in the west end. Or going to a concert with your crew after a full day of basketball even though you passed your pillow on the way out and thought, damn, I’m neglecting you my friend. That was my weekend. A perfect balance. -k

Pause.

Hi. My name is Kat. This is a a rare picture of me sitting down this week. This is a rare picture of me at home this week. This is what I change into the minute heels off happiness commences as I walk into my apartment. I am le tired. But the good kind.

I have not posted in a while because life is a spinning whirlwind of business. I have not documented my outfits because my livingroom has been full of drying laundry, packed bags that need unpacking and a kitchen table flipped upside down that I’m building but don’t have that special wrench type piece from IKEA so it’s on hold.

Someone flipped the switch from zero to sixty overnight. I believe in moments to pause. This is it.

This week I am thankful for being tired. I am thankful for the whirlwind that sucked me in. I am thankful to dance and host and write and travel and take pictures. I am thankful for the unpacked bags and studio time and a good glass of bedtime wine while memorizing lines. And I’m thankful for the shoulder that let me lean against it when I needed a quick moment to regroup. And the voice that said keep going. -k

“The big secret in life is that there is no big secret. Whatever your goal, you can get there if you’re willing to work. Keep going. ” -Oprah Winfrey

Roadblock Rambles.

It’s honesty hour. I’ve been irritated by silly triggers this week like the normal hum of a room or an innocent look from a stranger. We’ve all been there. I’ve received a few texts from people in the same state of mind this last little while. Maybe it’s the leftovers from the full moon. I think it’s a combination of frustration and confusion. Frusfusion.

Maybe it’s not being able to get what I want. But also not knowing what I confidently want in the first place. But not knowing if it’s what I want because I don’t have a chance to explore the treasure. Those growing pains. Roadblock rambles.

Everything happens for a reason. I write that out all of the time. And I don’t think it’s just a safe way out. This week I questioned my support of that statement. Okay, yes, I still believe it. I just think I questioned it because my heart is rotating beats of selfishness and impatience and honesty and truth. And it’s allowed. In the end if you never share your truth, you’ll never know. I’m just waiting on the clock to strike ‘now’.

So with that I say never be afraid to let your true self shine. Everything else will fall into place. And you can do it all. No limits. So do it all. Someday everything will make perfect sense. Promise. Until then, here is a drawing of a cat… -k

Deuces.

Peace is a wonderful feeling. Peace of self, the unpredictable… peace of mind, spirit, the people who surround you, your confidence and the discovery of the individual you were meant to expose to the millions of people who swirl by you without notice. As the rain showed up unexpectedly today and someone I haven’t spoken with in a while text me unexpectedly today, I started thinking about the people who come into your life for a beautiful moment, leave a mark and then vanish without a wave goodbye. Sometimes you don’t even realize they have left until an epiphany swims through your mind in an everyday moment and you realize that you learned this lesson from them. Like the one I loved for a quick moment and enforced that I was good enough without a distressed mask, taking it with him when he left. And the one that taught me to laugh and dance again because this is my happy place and disappeared mid twirl. And the one that kicked my ass when I was crawling because I’m a fighter and have never turned down a challenge in life. The wind closed these doors when I wasn’t watching. And I am thankful for the late nights and endless conversations and spontaneous masterpieces and unasked for guidance. Now adding it to my book of life. -k