Inspiration

What’s your chocolate?

Ain’t it funny what triggers your creativity. What makes you write. What makes you ache to express what’s stuck inside. What makes you write about what’s stuck inside to let it go when you don’t even know you need to let it go.

Today Gene Wilder passed away at 83 years old. As a kid (and until this day) my favourite movie was Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, the one that was made in 1971. Everyone I told as a kid would give me that look of ‘really, that’s your favourite movie?’ but now it all makes sense. It was about dreams coming true, fantasy, the unknown and escaping reality all while showcasing the quirkiness in people with warmth. Little did I know that these things would fuel my ride in life. Young Charlie was a regular boy who poured his heart into the little things in life, like getting that golden ticket. It was just a piece of paper but as a boy that grew up with family love as his biggest abundance, to experience a world that was only seen through a tiny, fuzzy TV screen was a dream come true. Little did he know that family love was a huge blessing. (He even took his Grandpa with him on the adventure). Charlie poured out passion, curiousity and vulnerability in every step he took. To me these are attributes that lead to success. That lead to conquering this so-called thing called life.

Oh, and I was totally Veruca Salt for two Halloweens in my Mom’s fur coat from the 70’s, british accent and all.

“If you want to view paradise, simply look around and view it. You can change the world there’s nothing to it.” -GW

Life can be hard. Find those things that let you escape for a moment or two. Regroup, tap into your true being and continue conquering what makes you tick. I’m going to be honest, I focused a lot on myself this past month. It’s a healthy type of selfish to give your mind and body some extra love.

“There is no life I know to compare to pure imagination. Living there you’ll be free if you truly wish to be.” -GW

It made me feel like those crazy dreams, hopes and wishes were within arms grasp. I mean, boating down a chocolate river? Dude, that’s dope.

Sometimes it’s just the simple things in life but they all add up. Be in the moment completely. Take a bite of your chocolate, that thing that makes you go Mmmm.. on the inside, to fuel your drive to where you want to get. -k

But Charlie, don’t forget what happened to the man who suddenly got everything he always wanted… he lived happily ever after.

How I Dream Big…

Hear me out.. have you ever been told that you wouldn’t succeed? Ya, me too. Because the so called ‘career path’ I wanted to follow at a young age was one with a small number of success stories. And as much as I walked backwards with self doubt, I walked forwards because I knew how I felt when I performed. At that point it was on a live stage as a dancer. And I knew I wanted to make people happy and that is what I saw as the curtain closed. I am just as grateful for the people that told me I would fail as I am for the people that that had my back through the ride; the tears made me want to fight harder and the support kept me sane. So after NBA All-Star weekend in Toronto it only made sense that #GiantsofAfrica asked me to share my story on how I dream big. I believe that everyone has that something that makes their heart full and that is what you should be doing for the rest of your life. Job, shmob.. it’s called passion. Someone said to me, “What you do while you’re procrastinating is what you should be doing for the rest of your life.” Yesterday it was impersonations of SNL characters. Hey, roll with it… you have my support. -k

Tell your story of how you dream big over at giantsofafrica.org/dreambig … I’d love to hear it!

The Path of Unpredictability.

Quotes or wise words that my eyes touch and my mind swallows or spits out through the day often lead to brain purges on this page.

It’s a mucky Monday. As I tucked my phone in my pocket to protect it from the rain, the following word song repeated in my head. I had just read it.

I admire people who choose to shine even through all the storms they’ve been through.

And then I looked up.

And what I saw was a physical formation of those words; the tower representing a person and that it still stood tall and unaffected by the hits it had taken through rain and thunder and snow and sleet. Through hurtful words, losses, road blocks and unpredictability. It was still notable. It was still shining.

Last night I got kicked in the gut by the unpredictable. And I can say that this is the first time that I didn’t wither by it’s blow. The path of unpredictability is equally frightening and exciting in my eyes. But this has come to be my outlook after many meetings with the harsh realities of unpredictability. And surviving those meetings. In fact, triumphing from them. (Even if it took a day or week or months to realize this.) I always believed in the saying, ‘If you think it, it will come.’ Positive thinking. It has finally become not just a thought but a tattoo. I live it. And knowing what is next is no fun. Saying you fought the war and won? That’s a high.

It’s a mucky Monday but I’m okay with it. -k

And there it was, everything she ever wanted. She could see heaven, it was real.
But it was only a second later that she realized she would have to walk through hell to get there. – j.s. uili

Signs.

What if I fall? Oh, my darling, what if you fly?

I do believe in signs from the universe as guidance in verifying that you are in the right place. Mom always said they’re out there, you just have to ask for them. She also said white feathers mean that your angels are with you. So white feathers are kind of a comfort thing. -k

Gnarly in Pink.

I was talking to a friend about ‘creating’ and being an artist and the wrongs and rights of the craft and that there is no such thing as either wrong or right when it comes to art. (Sidenote: my freestyle spit factory is working overtime today and my sentences are longer than usual. I blog because I’m not a good rapper.) A good piece of art makes you emotional. It could ripple out goosebumps down your skin or tighten your throat. Or make you smile. And every piece of art won’t do the same for everyone.

This mini doc got me. So much that I’ve watched it about six times. Scenes or sounds or songs that trigger childhood memories of when things were simple get me. And this piece is just seven minutes of simple moments. It took me back to when I was their age, running between the dance floor and baseball diamond and fighting my mother about wearing dresses to school. Tomboy tendencies in little girls are adorable. These three girls are adorable. -k

#UseYourLife

Sitting on my balcony, avoiding life for a wee bit.

One of the side effects of my work ways is that every week is a different story. And I am thankful for this. It makes the freebird in me happy. Making your own schedule is both a blessing and a curse. A blessing for the obvious reasons. A curse on those days when life is hard and you don’t want to get out of bed. Or those days when life is busy and you want to hide in bed. Or those days when life is slow and you need to find a reason to get out of bed.

And then I saw this hashtag on a lovely souls instagram this morning. –> #UseYourLife

And that was my motivation. Cause she’s damn right.

Back to rehearsal for me. It’s been a few months but stage life is calling this week. This week life is busy. And Porcelain Headquarters is busy, aka AmberKat’s apartment. A little clip from post midnight rehearsal last night.

Time to face the music. -k

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Late nights at Porcelain Headquarters: After a few months hiatus, it's back to stage life. Prep prep prep for the weeeeekend. #toronto #porcelain #latenight #burlesque #rehearsal #sincedayone #smallestrehearsalspaceever

A post shared by kat stefankiewicz (@matterofkat) on Jun 3, 2014 at 10:47pm PDT

It’s Not Just Physical.

As a professional dancer this article hit close to home. ——-> Cheerleader Called Too Chunky

To succeed in the industry requires physical strength. Your calves burn from hours on your toes, your core burns from yoga class in the attempt to perfect your lifts and you cringe through burning muscles and blisters for the love of it all. But your mind shouldn’t burn.

To succeed in the industry requires mental strength. This article is the unfortunate truth of the business. I speak from experience. Do I know people that have let go of their dream because the mind game was too painful? Yes. And it hurts my soul to accept that it will probably never change.

The dance scene knocks at your pride with a daily dose of judgement as you work towards perfection; not only in the steps and style but in the silhouette seen through the lens. The measurements and muscle. The inches fading up and out. Blunt? Absolutely. Reality? Like you wouldn’t believe. Here and there I get asked how I approach this glamour game. I first posted the following as the captain of the Toronto Raptors Dance Pak on our blog three years ago but I’ve shared it many times since. And once again I feel it’s appropriate. -k

It’s all about the ABC’S…

February. The month of the groundhog and cupid. The cold nips at your heels and you hit snooze fourteen times before you run to the heat of the shower in the AM. You eat two out of three of your meals in the dark and they probably consist of comfort foods like Mom’s killer macaroni and cheese recipe from your childhood. It’s winter, folks! And the only ones smart enough to hide from the elements are the bears.

I won’t lie. I’ve been in hibernation mode for the past four days. I made it as far as loading new songs onto my iPod in hopes it would give me a motivational kick in the butt to boogie over to the gym. But the -25C windchill puffed out its chest and won. I drank my hot chocolate and marshmallows, ignored that tick of guilt and quietly hummed the winter blues.

Happily adding more marshmallows to my cup of cocoa, I clicked over to Facebook. Raptors lose unlucky 13, storm brews harder in the GTA and a message. Hey Katherine.

A blast from the past. A former student. Now taller than me, a fiercer dancer than me, pursuing that “I want to dance forever” dream she used to talk about in tap class. And getting hit hard by the reality of the business. After a certain point it’s the complete package that clears that next hurdle. It’s what they see when you walk into that audition room that counts.

“What’s your motivation? What’s your secret? What gets your body in the game when your mind says no and vice versa?”

My heart sinks a bit every time the ‘reality of the biz’ swims past me. But it is reality. An evil shark sized reality. And it’s something you need to accept when you decide to follow your dream. That was my first step. So I typed back ACCEPTANCE.

The night before two friends and I were having dinner and over our spinach dip and chips the same topic came up at the table. I’m not perfect. I drink too much coffee and don’t get my eight glasses of water everyday. I eat Doritos when I’m sad and ice cream when I’m happy. And I walk confidently onto that basketball court in a Raptors splashed half top because I now know the meaning of BALANCE. But it took me four years in the professional world, three years in theatre school and many ups and downs to figure it out. Listen to your body, don’t deprive yourself because life is too good for that and on those low days remember how great you feel in spirit when you take care of you.

I was cleaning out my closet and I found an old journal from my theatre school days and splashed across the first page was the saying “CONFIDENCE is beautiful”. It’s not something that is easy to find and hold on to tightly when you’re knocked down daily for your artistic imperfections. And it comes with growth. But when I started believing in myself (I’m at about 94.7% of the time) I started pursuing and conquering bigger hills.

Everybody does it differently. Acceptance, Balance and Confidence. I figured out my equation and I work on my ABC’S. The ‘S’ is for SUPPORT. I told her she has mine. -k

Lost in Espanola. Day 3.

On a day where the clouds cry over my city and it’s streets, I crave writing pen and paper tales. It’s raining on a Wednesday. I’m back to my regularly scheduled program. And somewhere between voice over work and the gym and script writing and dance rehearsal, I’m happily going to close the tale from this past weekends escape north.

Running into fellow friends who made the trip, there is a repetitive text from their tongues about coming back refreshed and absorbing just as much from the three days as they hope were left on the communities we visited.

It was simple. Just like this picture I took of the infamous net at Whitefish River First Nation where the story began.

I was asked what the one moment from the entire experience that stood out to me was. It was one of the final moments of the trip.

Think of a busy city street in the heart of a downtown core, patterning people along it’s bricks almost in fast forward. Think of the thousands of assorted people that share the same footprint of pavement within the same delicate hours of the day. Think of pausing on a corner within the swirl, waiting for the light to change, where the only thing touching you is the wind. It’s the little things.

Now think of that person that passes you as you cross the street that makes you look twice. I’ve always felt that some people radiate a warmth that you can completely feel as they walk by. You tell them your secrets and trust them with your state of mind and don’t realize that you’ve flooded them with your inner script until you walk away.

Chief Shining Turtle is a person like this. After an interview which he filled with the most wholesome words of appreciation, the camera turned off, and I stood with him in the newly renovated dressing room, beside the rink holding the infamous hockey net.

He told me he lived right behind the rink and that one of his favourite sounds while he stirs at home is hearing the puck hit the boards. To him this meant that there’s a place for those kids to be and that their minds in the moment are wrapped around their dreams.

He told me he likes being on the rink late at night when everyone is sleeping, under the unbelievable stars up there and just soaking it in.

I said, it’s the little things, eh? He said, you’re exactly right. They all add up.

And my favourite moment of the trip was just a little thing that I can’t really purge properly into letter formations just yet as to why. It was just a moment. But they all add up. -k

When you are older you will understand how precious little things, seemingly of no value in themselves, can be loved and prized above all price when they convey the love and thoughtfulness of a good heart. – Edwin Booth

Lost in Espanola. Day 2.

I’m not going to lie; the minute the heaviness of the hotel room lock sank shut at the end of the day, I laid on the bed chilled on the outside by the negative degrees and warmed on the inside by pretty much everything else, and fell asleep. So this is a post day 3 rant as I read through my scribbled reflections on what was another wholesome day in the great white north.

Be warned of a spitting 2am mind:

I was in heaven because it was basketball day for the sports clinics. I don’t realize entirely how completely soaked into the basketball culture I am until moments like these. Kudos to the incredible team who ran the clinics. Like one of the community members said, “I’ve never seen the kids so excited to do burpees!”

On the bus ride to the reserve, I keyed the following into my phone: I’m listening to the piano line from piano man as the sun pushes through the trees like he’s a restless four year old who won’t take no for an answer. I’m fighting my eyes as they ask me kindly for more closing time because I don’t want to miss anything that rolls by my window. And then I think of Mom who would laugh because she says I’ve been like this since I was four. I didn’t want to go to bed, I didn’t want to be anywhere but in the moment. In the action. I didn’t want to miss a thing. She sat frustrated with a smile because I sat happy.

When you remember something a child tells you the day before that you just met and ask them about it the next day, it makes them happy. I hope it makes them feel special.

Most of the people that I interviewed, I knew. I have fallen in love with trying to break into someone. I do believe that they need to feel that they can trust you. Tell you their secrets. When you see the wall fall it’s a bit of a high. I also like those moments when the camera turns off. They ask me if they did okay and I say they were wonderful and then they tend to crack into the hidden song story. One of the incredible chefs from our team said post script that one thing that stood out to him was that no one was picky. At home everyone requests no onions or dressing on the side and here he didn’t hear one person complain. One kid complain. He said it wasn’t fancy eating, it was fueling, but everything up to the apples and bananas were gone. And thanks. So, so much thanks. For one exercise they brought foods that the kids had never tried. They were spitting out avocado and making sour faces at the mango and coconut. It’s so close to home yet so far out.

The drum circle was a favourite moment of mine because it brought us into the traditions of the first nation people. I sat beside a friend and she read the following to me from her research:
In a circle no one is higher than anyone else. Everyone is equal. The drum is the first sound we remember. Our mother’s heartbeat mocks this. It’s comforting.
She then told me to think about meetings at work and other everyday moments. How do you sit? And how do you feel? … … …

I will now close my eyes to the sirens instead of surreal silence. Spitting complete. -k

Lost in Espanola. Day 1.

It’s more of an emotional exhaustion. That’s never necessarily a terrible thing.
Day one.
During one of the interviews I did today, I asked the little lady what she’s feeling right now in her tummy. She said excitement. I asked her why the craft she made represented her and teamwork and she stated that it was strong. I asked her why she thinks teamwork is important and she said because you don’t feel alone. And that she never wants to feel alone.
Day one.
As one fish in a sea of such a big story this weekend, you don’t get to absorb everything. You jump at the feast when it gets tossed in the fishbowl but sometimes the good stuff is caught by the pretty finned patience waiting in the corner for the leftovers.
At dinner we shared those missed moments.
Like when a young boy told one of the dignitaries that he didn’t know if he wanted to stay in highschool. And after a wholesome chat, for the next little while the dignitary introduced him with, “This is my friend and he has three more years of highschool.”
And when the team couldn’t find Wendel Clark to start his coaching session and he had snuck over to the bench on his own to help the little lads tie their skates.
And just Jaxon. Who had this ongoing double dope handshake with me all day everytime we crossed paths.
It’s just day one.
I also had some time just driving around the island with the crew, digesting their artistic visions while I breathed in ‘that’ smell of the great white north and snapped behind the scenes shots of the behind the scenes dream team. It’s just so simple up here.
Insert my famous ‘small town girl at heart with big city dreams’ standard bio line right now. It’s rare that both worlds cross but sometimes they wildly do.
Just soaking in ‘them moments’. They’re kinda sorta maybe really beautiful. -k