How I Dream Big…

Hear me out.. have you ever been told that you wouldn’t succeed? Ya, me too. Because the so called ‘career path’ I wanted to follow at a young age was one with a small number of success stories. And as much as I walked backwards with self doubt, I walked forwards because I knew how I felt when I performed. At that point it was on a live stage as a dancer. And I knew I wanted to make people happy and that is what I saw as the curtain closed. I am just as grateful for the people that told me I would fail as I am for the people that that had my back through the ride; the tears made me want to fight harder and the support kept me sane. So after NBA All-Star weekend in Toronto it only made sense that #GiantsofAfrica asked me to share my story on how I dream big. I believe that everyone has that something that makes their heart full and that is what you should be doing for the rest of your life. Job, shmob.. it’s called passion. Someone said to me, “What you do while you’re procrastinating is what you should be doing for the rest of your life.” Yesterday it was impersonations of SNL characters. Hey, roll with it… you have my support. -k

Tell your story of how you dream big over at giantsofafrica.org/dreambig … I’d love to hear it!

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Frozen Movements.

What do you do when you feel you’re due for a little bit of too good to be true? Does it push you forward or push you away? Does it fuck with your freedom?

I had a couple of comfort convos today about just that. Finding the freedom and hidden fabulous of tough times. There’s a glow of greatness in absolutely everything that falls at your feet or in front of your face. I do believe that. Even when it shakes up your sensitive soul. I also believe that it takes the continuation of life’s great dance to make believing it a habit as oppose to just head filled hopes. Time is a blessing. And the transitions that two-step there way into your life are a blessing.

I’ve really rambled about life alot lately. Sometimes I don’t even know if my rants make sense but they make sense to me. Four years ago I felt one of those transitions. At the time I had been frozen for years. Life offered me it’s hand and said dance with me a new way. I didn’t expect to continue experiencing the transitions as much as I have but I almost get high off of them. Maybe I look for them and that’s why I notice them. I can’t wait for them, even when they’re challenging, because they’ve only brought me freedom. And I full out love a good challenge. Even if it took a minute or a day or months for the transition to mold me and make me realize why it spun me to the right. Because it was right. And I was left to be better. I challenge you to accept them in all forms. -k

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‘Sometimes you find yourself in the middle of nowhere and sometimes in the middle of nowhere you find yourself.’

Life Observations from the Peanut Gallery.

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Please excuse me if I don’t talk too much, it’s loud enough in my head.

Mama asked me today if I was happy. I said yes. And I wish that for everyone and I don’t want to lose it. And it’s taken me some time to find the place where the madness and the mellow meet. Where they mold into magical type moments with the people who love like you do. Stay away from people who make you feel like you’re hard to love. Don’t say maybe if you want to say no. Balance hard work and wild nights wisely. They’re both equally necessary for guided growth and gratitude. Stop the analytical archery and listen to your intuitive heart; it always knows what’s best for your next steps and say somethings. Be the same person privately, publically and personally. The mesh of the meetings brought me happiness. I don’t make new years resolutions. The new year just reminds me to work on the ‘what I want to do’s’ that rumble through my head until I silence them with success. Baby steps beat the ‘but I wish I had’s’. Put the good energy that touches you to good use, it’s hard to find. Enjoy the damn good deep dark dreary dense delicate delicious daring doable dreamy damn good ride. I wish that for you. Here’s to new year good things, darlings/dudes. -k

‘In the end there doesn’t have to be someone who understands you… there just has to be someone who wants to.’ – Robert Brault

West Coast Ways – Day Three.

I asked a friend the other day, ‘how’s that bucketlist of yours looking?’ I found a version of mine folded up in the back of my journal this summer with the date 2006 on it. The wild part about it was that I sat there ticking off some dreams that became reality when I didn’t even realize I was putting energy into making it happen. Some were small like surf in Malibu and my continuous quest to hit every baseball stadium across the states which is a work in progress. But some were on the next level scale like host my own TV show and get a photo professionally published. I’ve been given the same advice more than once in my life from people that I admire with great respect; write down what you want even if you don’t know how you’re going to get there. And keep writing because as the pages fill up things with scribbles and scratches, things will become clearer and you’ll find yourself checking off bucketlist dreams one day too. I challenge you to try it.

One of my little wishes was visit wine country in California. So the ladies and I set foot on Sonoma Valley soil on a Sunday funday last month. Check. -k

What you think, you become. What you feel, you attract. What you imagine, you create. -Buddha

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Signs.

photo-16What if I fall? Oh, my darling, what if you fly?

I do believe in signs from the universe as guidance in verifying that you are in the right place. Mom always said they’re out there, you just have to ask for them. She also said white feathers mean that your angels are with you. So white feathers are kind of a comfort thing. -k

But First, Coffee.

In the summer I’m always on the hunt for new ‘coffices’; spots in the city with really good coffee and an atmosphere that stirs my creative side. I found a gem this morning. Jimmy’s Coffee in Kensington Market. I’m sitting on the back patio in the sun. I feel like I’m still up north at the cottage.

So while I’m super happy about the ‘little bit of north’ discovery in the city, I’ve been scanning through some pictures from this past weekend north of the city. (While listening to Chromeo’s new album because it was on repeat this past weekend and I kinda maybe sorta can’t stop listening to it.)

The kind guy behind the counter that poured my coffee just a few minutes ago asked what I’m up to today while I handed him a couple of toonies. It’s kind of silly but it threw me off guard. Routine behaviour is always interesting to observe. (And this coffee spot is great for people watching.) It’s also refreshing when someone breaks that tunnel vision pace like the kind guy behind the counter. How many times in your morning madness have you flipped the focus to someone else? Or in your general everyday hustle? It was nice to be asked about my day when the coffee house was stirring with people who had places to go and people to see. Just a couple of selfless extra seconds from someone else put me in the right place for the day. I asked him the same and he said that after work he’ll see what the sun says.. but first, coffee... -k

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#UseYourLife

Sitting on my balcony, avoiding life for a wee bit.

One of the side effects of my work ways is that every week is a different story. And I am thankful for this. It makes the freebird in me happy. Making your own schedule is both a blessing and a curse. A blessing for the obvious reasons. A curse on those days when life is hard and you don’t want to get out of bed. Or those days when life is busy and you want to hide in bed. Or those days when life is slow and you need to find a reason to get out of bed.

And then I saw this hashtag on a lovely souls instagram this morning. –> #UseYourLife

And that was my motivation. Cause she’s damn right.

Back to rehearsal for me. It’s been a few months but stage life is calling this week. This week life is busy. And Porcelain Headquarters is busy, aka AmberKat’s apartment. A little clip from post midnight rehearsal last night.

Time to face the music. -k

Hungry like a Wolf.

With morning coffee and a blank page waiting for me to add words of wisdom, I clicked into Pinterest as my creativity time out because my words weren’t wise and my coffee was getting damn cold. Then bam; my eyes absorbed the following:

“Nobody can tell you if what you’re doing is good, meaningful or worthwhile. The more compelling the path, the more lonely it is. Most of us are unknowingly trained to NOT trust in our own judgment. Our parents made decisions for us, our teachers told us how things should be done, and society has its own rules on what is right and wrong. After being beat down by authority for years on end, many people just become one of the sheep. They follow the status quo. It’s easier that way. The wolfs, also known as the stubborn trouble makers (I was one, still am) tend to have their own ideas of how things should be. They stand away from the crowd, make waves and piss a lot of people off. But they also find great happiness, because they follow their own dreams and make their own plans. Their lives tend to end up just the way they want them to. Wolfs trust in their own desires. They lean towards the professions that they were meant (made) to do. Wolfs are the innovators, the inventors and artists and writers. They ignore everybody. They have to or they’d never get things done.” ~ Hugh MacLeod

From my experience the path is not understood by most. And the ones that envy it don’t realize that it can be a lonely path. That dip into self discovery and self trust gives me goosebumps just thinking about it sometimes. Because there are still moments where I don’t trust what I produce. My italics, shapes, the way I express the stories in my head without opening my mouth. This morning was one of those moments. That leap into the unknown. But then those epiphany moments void all of the rest. That personal victory that can come from something so small. So as I sit here listening to nothing but the hum of rush hour traffic through a cracked window and the melody of my keyboard clicks, my coffee cup is refilled with diet gingerale and I go on with the blind race. I guess I just needed some wise words to help me with mine.

And thank you to a favourite person of mine for this thoughtful gift for future endeavours. I named her SJP. This is her first entry. -k

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She’s a Mess of Gorgeous Chaos.

 

So, I lay my head on my pillow and as I stared at the ceiling, tired as anything from the days emotions and twisted reality, I realized that I wasn’t creatively finished with the day. So I poured myself a glass of wine, turned on my laptop and let other peoples words guide me. I added a beautiful camera to my creative family this week. It’s my eye candy right now, sleeping on the table in front of me, making me restless about future dates. Pinterest is my escape between work tales and daily endeavours. So here are other peoples words that I’ve pinterest’ed recently because I relate. And then my pillow will get me back. -k