Expose Yourself. Your Real Self.

Hi, I’m Tom. Who the hell are you?

“So, how would you describe your style, Kat?”, sing songs in my head from a recent conversation with a friend debating next steps.

There was a time walking down the runway of life where I was almost fighting my tomboy tendencies; unsure of their sudden slap in the face appearance. Standing in front of you I’m 5’8 inches of no doubt about it female that I am confident yet protective of for the majority of my everyday minutes. The reality is that I work in a squeamish industry where the moment you walk through a door can decide your destiny. Yes, my hair blows in the wind, my heels click down the pavement and I look forward to getting a little spicy on a friday night. But lately I’ve traded in my six inch spikes for a flat madden boot and taken all shades of pink out of my tickle trunk because they make me puke in my mouth a bit. I understand that with maturity and other influences ones style goes through a roller coaster of changes. Trust me, I have done the victoria beckham bob and bebe bustiers. But what are these other influences? My brain has been storming and has come up with the following:

environment. I live in the big city. Trends. Fashion. Sports. In. Out.
social network. Can I borrow that top, friend? I want one now.
finding oneself. I believe your guts come out in your style.
creative hub. I am a creative nerd. I am passionate about dressing my own mannequin.
confidence. Try something new. Bolder. Out of the ordinary.
rebel without a cause. I don’t care what you think.

Now why would I use the tomboy stereotype? I have been called out lately for my vocabulary including frequent bouts of dude, ya man and bleepin’ dope. I accessorize my dress with a toque instead of Tiffany’s. My last couple purchases were from the men’s department at H&M. Guys. Yes, alot of my friends are guys. And in the moment I don’t mind at all because it’s where I feel the most me.

You create your outside from the truth within. And as you mold as a human, especially through your sensitive teens and twenties, you display those strengths on your drawing board. There are those pictures that you can’t quite creatively finish, some with eraser marks like wrinkles in your white dress shirt and the one that you rest proudly on your mantel hoping that someone will call it beautiful. So if I associate tomboy tendencies with a mirrored verb I get comfortable, cool, relaxed, simple, honest, confident, low maintenance, humble, wild and free. I will use this observation within my framework because I’m actually kind of excited that I haven’t yet found all of me. -k

Blank Canvas Battles.

Image

Ah, the love and hate relationship I have with a blank canvas. Being able to create is a beautiful thing. I truly believe that everything you do in life is art. The ripple of cream you stir in your morning coffee. The freeze frame moment after you’ve applied your favourite lipstick in the glowy bathroom mirror. The angle your hat tips and your purse sits and your shirt hits. The way you’re leaning against the rail in the elevator the moment the door opens at ground zero and mister 7th floor is standing there. The way the wind tosses your hair across your face as you exit into the stream of people on Yonge street. The constant madness of footsteps making music on your morning commute. The smile you smile to the streetcar driver who passes it to the business man behind you who passes it to the young girl with the baby in the pretty paisley scarf. A jump over the greased stained puddle. The way you dodge bicycles and taxis during your lunch break. Biting into 3pm cookies and sprinkling crumbs on your lap. The single bead of sweat that rolls down the middle of your back when you’re in a hurry that nobody else sees. The way the fruits and vegetables are sorted on your grocery list. Standing still at the ATM as the city buzzes around you. The way you love someone. I believe you need to create because it feels amazing.

And as I dabble into the list of beliefs I’ve collected over my soul searching days of existence these are the ones that keep me going …

I believe in signs from the universe. I believe you know when you know. I believe it takes life experiences to trust the intuitive pangs in your tummy. I believe in giving thanks and being thankful. I believe in dancing your worries away on a messy Friday night. I believe that no word, action, feeling or choice is wrong when it comes from your heart. I believe in forever, ever and the forever that it takes to get there. In dropping below control before soaring the highest that you’ve ever been. In a look that says a million words. In dreams that are wishes your heart makes when you’re fast asleep. I believe in not being ready, timing and patience. I believe in the present and the necessity of past experiences in order to make the future exactly how you want it to be. I believe everyone knows deep down how they want it to be. I believe in finding the happy in your days and in the ability to feel it forever. Even when coated with muck for a moment or a murky mile. Alone. Together. I believe in the finding of a purpose. Because when you do your feet will do the thinking and you’ll roll on along. I believe in going with the flow. Just like a song. Just like dancing. -k

People Often Forget that Kindness is Free.

Dear happiness.
Thank you for hanging out. Thank you for not giving up on me. Thank you for not judging my weaknesses and side stepping days where my mind and heart were restless, moving in rebellious patterns and I couldn’t find that fight for what was right. And thank you for the warm-hearted man who I say hi to every morning on my exit into the raging world of people who do things the opposite of what I necessarily believe in. Today he told me I’m in the right place. He told me to spend my money, travel, take a chance at something untouched, simplify, be with men, do the things I’m scared of; live. He said Katherine, you come into this world naked and you leave naked meaning with nothing, so fill the in between with your wildest dreams because now is the time. And keeping running. It all started with the question, why do you run so much? I said it is a therapeutic thing. Good music and an open road. He said it’s the best thing for your body, mind and soul. Keep running towards what you want. That’s what he said.
I love these unexpected moments. -k